A Little Better

What to expect

A Little Better — a 13-minute meditation for speaking freely, read by Lucas

Have you ever thought of the perfect thing to say, an hour too late? That’s what happens when we’re busy writing lines in our heads, while the real conversation is happening right in front of us. This one practises being there for it: noticing when your attention turns back onto yourself, how do I sound, what do I say next, and turning it out to the other person; saying the simple, kind thing before it’s perfect; being kind to yourself on the walk home; and carrying one question into your next hello: what would make their day a little better?

How to listen:

• Sitting or lying down, before a day or an evening with people. Never while driving.
• No headphones needed.
• Some nerves while you listen are normal, and they can stay.

About

Before you listen. Sitting or lying down, before a day or an evening with people. Not while driving.

Safety and aftercare. This is a practice for meeting people with more ease, not a treatment for social anxiety. If fear of social situations is strong, lasts, or keeps you from things that matter to you, please talk to a doctor or therapist: cognitive behavioural therapy made for social anxiety helps many people. Some nerves while you listen are normal. If something comes up that’s too much, open your eyes, feel your feet, and stop whenever you like.

Credits. That nerves turn attention inward, and that rehearsing what to say keeps them going, follows the model of social anxiety by Clark and Wells. That people are liked more than they guess after a conversation is from studies by Boothby and colleagues. That a replay is going on inside one’s own mind, not the other person’s, is the observation of Michael Singer.

Written by Lucas.

Transcript

Opening

Have you ever thought of the perfect thing to say, an hour too late?

That’s what happens when we’re busy writing lines in our heads.

The real conversation was happening right in front of us.

So let’s practise being there for it.

So for a while, there’s no one to talk to.

Nothing to say just yet.

Sit or lie however suits you.

Let your eyes close.

Let the out-breath run long.

Hear the music in the room.

Part One: The Lamp

Attention is like a lamp.

Whatever it points at lights up.

Point it at the music.

Now point it at your hands.

With nerves, the lamp turns round.

It shines back on you.

How do I sound? What do I say next?

And the room goes dim.

Nothing is wrong when it does.

Just turn it out again.

Turning it is the whole skill.

Part Two: Someone Easy to Like

Think of someone easy to like.

Notice any goodwill there.

Let it reach further,

toward someone you’ll meet soon.

Wish them an easy day.

Then keep some of it for yourself.

Part Three: The Room

Picture a door, slightly open.

Light and voices behind it.

Notice your nerves, if they’re here.

Let them come in with you.

Step through the door.

Someone is by the window.

Walk over, and say hello.

Notice your mind start writing.

The next line, and the one after.

That’s the lamp, turned round.

Let the draft go.

Turn the lamp out to them.

Whatever their day has been.

Wonder what would make it a little better.

Maybe a question.

Maybe a thank-you.

Maybe just real interest in what they say.

Say the simple thing that comes.

Kind, and true, and not yet polished.

It doesn’t need to be clever.

A pause can stay a pause.

Your nerves can stay.

Each time the mind starts drafting,

let it go, and turn back to them.

Maybe one of you laughs.

Then say goodbye, warmly.

Part Four: The Walk Home

Now you’re walking away.

Perhaps a replay starts.

Notice it, kindly.

Speak to yourself like a friend,

one who just did something brave.

Most people are liked more than they think,

after talking with someone new.

The shyest, most of all.

Most likely, they went on with their evening.

Set it down.

Part Five: The Question

Here’s a question to carry.

What would make their day a little better?

A shop counter, someone serving.

Hello, and the question.

What would make their day a little better?

Maybe a thank-you, said like you mean it.

Let it go for a breath.

A neighbour on the path.

Hello, and the question.

What would make their day a little better?

Maybe a few easy words, and a smile.

Let it go for a breath.

Someone new at work, or class.

Hello, and the question.

What would make their day a little better?

Maybe asking how it’s going, and listening.

Nerves may come along.

Let them, and speak anyway.

Good enough is good enough.

Part Six: Small Hellos

Trust in yourself can grow from doing this,

one small hello at a time.

This week, choose one hello.

Feel what you’re resting on.

Move your fingers.

Let your eyes open.

Who will you see next?